Scenario:
A is a boy and B is a girl. A is in a relationship with B for more than a year now. Both of them graduated from secondary school together but A went to Junior College while B went to polytechnic. A has an outgoing character and made many male friends since he went into a science stream and majority in the class are males. B on the other hand is a little shy and made few friends in polytechnic. Since she went into engineering her class was filled with guys too and her few friends were all male.
When Valentine’s Day came two of B’s friends confessed that they held a torch for her and even bought expensive gifts for her. What should B do to turn them both down and yet maintain friendship between all of them keeping in mind that they are her only few friends in school?
B being really honest with A told him about the whole event. This made A jealous and he immediately placed her friends out of his circle of trust. However A did not tell B to leave all her friends because he understands the importance of having friends in school. A is really uncomfortable with the fact that B’s friends have such motive and B spends more time with them then himself. Such jealousy and suspicion has cause lots of conflict between the couple.
Here is an example of a quarrel between them. A and B had a date but A’s school ends an hour later than B. However B was late for the date because she accompanied her friends to lunch but she did not eat. She truthfully told A about it. During the date B did not eat much and A immediately suspected B of eating before she arrived.
What would you do if you were A in both the mini example and also to solve this whole conflict between you and B’s friends?
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Hello See Chai!
ReplyDeleteHaha! Truth be told, I'd be annoyed with these guys if I were B, but that's just me. After all, if they are my good friends, why are they putting me in such an awful situation?
However, since we are talking about EQ principles here ;), I think I will gently remind my friends that I am unavailable, and even remind them that there are so many nicer and better girls out there!
As for A, I think that he has gotten slightly overprotective and obsessive. Could it be because of B telling A the incident of being pursued by her friends that made him feel that B has been spending more time with her friends than with him? But, in actual fact, B has been spending time with him like how they used to. Besides, it just seems natural that B is spending time with her friends since they study together.
Ever since my boyfriend graduated from NUS last year and started working, we could not find the time to be together as much as we wanted to. So, it's pretty natural that I hang around with my friends and he sometimes drinks with his colleagues as well. I know it does feel insecure, but I guess one should be flexible in adapting to each other's changing lifestyle.
As for her not eating, she was probably not feeling well in the first place. If I were A, I'd be more concerned of her well-being than being obsessed about her eating beforehand.
Ok, I'd better get some sleep. Sorry if I sound too harsh in my comments. =) Good night.
heyya, found this as I blog-hopped.
ReplyDeletePoor A, he sounds insecure, but I think he's quite confused on the main problem. I think B had not wronged him else she wouldnt be so frank with him. Plus, if she is so desirable, maybe A should try to appreciate the treasure he has before he loses it?
p.s. I think it would be wiser to keep her frenz as his. That way its easier to keep tabs on her action if he pleases. Plus you get to know what sort of persons (a jerk or a nice dude) hangs out with your darling.
Hey!
ReplyDeleteTo answer your first question, I would tell them I was definetely not available and very much in love! I would also be very careful not to send signals that could be percieved as ambiguous. Sometimes men think "no" means "yes" and "leave me alone" means "take me away"! B should be firm in turning them down but not be arrogant and mean about it. If they were good friends, they would understand and never bring it up again.
Also, I disagree with Valerie - I do not think A became overprotective or obsessive at all. It's perfectly natural to feel slightly put-off by the fact that A's girlfriend - whom A doesn't even see as much as he would like to - gets to spend so much time with guys who are interested in her. The very fact that A never told B to leave those guys shows that he wasn't being insecure - he was being as understanding as he could be about it.
Plus, B should also really understand that being late for a date because she was hanging out with those same guys wouldn't really make A's day. Relationships aren't easy to handle when you spend more time with other people than you do with each other.
Communication should be key here. A should talk to B and let her know how he feels if there's something that bothers him. And B should actively listen and meet him halfway to come to a win-win solution that'll keep both of them happy. Perhaps A wants to feel like he's still an important part of her life, and that she puts him above those friends. In which case B should not be getting late for dates because she was with her friends.
At the same time, A should understand that he shouldn't be bothered because B tells him everything - that should put him more at ease. If things were placed on the table frankly and openly, things have the chance of working out. Resentment won't build.
Conflicts arise in romance like fire - but tactful communication and lots of understanding will make sure your relationship doesn't get consumed.
Hi See Chai,
ReplyDeleteFor the first question, I could not imagine how would a girl think. If I were B, I would try to mention in a polite way that I was attached and there were some nicer girls out there as Valarie said.
If I were A , I would be glad that B told me everything candidly.:-) But since there are jealosy and suspicious involved, it would be very difficult for A to control his emotion.I think A should contact to one of his close friends and speak out his feeling to him. By speaking out to someone, I belive that it would help you to calm down more and think in a careful manner. And hopefully, A would realize himself that he is over jealous and suspicious. :D
If a person doesn't love somebody any more, the worst scaneiro is to break up. During that time, both of them will analye and comtemplate on themsleves that was it a result they want? If this is not what they want, they will try to rebuild the relationship again. Then, it becomes win-win situation again. Otherwise, one-sided-love is not good. It is better to break the relationship .
Well, this is just my opinion. Eventhough I say I would think in that way, I may act in different way when I encounter the similar situation. Understanding people's mind is one of the most difficult matters especially regarding to relationship!
Oh jealousy. We are such fragile creatures, aren't we? (as your post shows)
ReplyDeleteThis is concise and fairly clear problem scenario, See Chai. (It's especially nice that another blogger came by and commented!) I have to admit that I always prefer names for clarity's sake. But I like the way you detail the characters and their motives. This story is one that is probably being played out a thousand times a minute in various corners of Singapore.
Thanks for creating/sharing!